Are you tired of having someone control you? Do you want to break free from their control? Have you wondered how to deal with controlling people?
If you have ever thought of all these, then you need answers and help.
Controlling people can be your friend, partner, or family member,
Their influence in a person’s life can make such a person hand over the control of their life decisions to them.
This is wrong, as everybody should be in control and be responsible for their individual lives.
Since you might not be able to cut some of these people out of your life, you need to learn to deal with them.
So, in this article, we will share essential information that will provide you with knowledge on how to deal with controlling people.
To begin, we will take a close look at who controlling people are…
Who are Controlling People? – How to Deal With Controlling People
Controlling people are those who try to gain or maintain control, power, or authority over situations or other people.
Their need to have control is often caused by their feelings of insecurity or anxiety.
They think that if they don’t stay in control, things will turn out bad or wrong.
For instance, a boss in the office can be controlling because they do not want the business to fail.
They do not trust the employees’ abilities, so they ensure that everything goes well according to their dictation and command.
In a romantic relationship, a partner who feels insecure can end up being controlling.
They might want to know everything their partner is doing so that they will feel safe in the relationship.
Anybody can exhibit controlling behaviors or tendencies.
In other words, your family members, friends, romantic partners, or workers can exhibit controlling behaviors.
So, not every controlling people are bad.
Some of them are good people who love and respect you but want things to be in their control to prevent them from going wrong.
However, when a person exhibits controlling behaviors to show dominance, then that is a form of abuse.
Signs of Controlling People – How to Deal with Controlling People
Sometimes, some people in our lives might not be controlling, but the ways they come up to us make us think they are.
For instance, if you have a business partner who talks about keeping the financial records in order at every chance they get, you might feel that they are controlling.
They could be doing this because you never keep the records in order.
Hence, they might just be trying to remind you, or make you see reasons why you should keep the records in order.
So, you have to be sure that a person is controlling before you take steps that are not necessary.
You can identify a controlling person with the following signs:
The Need to Have Things Go Their Way
One of the main behaviors of a controlling person is the need to have things go their way at all times.
As a result, they make all the decisions without considering others.
They want other people to do even the littlest of things to their preference.
Your perspective or preference does not matter to them.
Even when you try to explain things to them, they hardly listen.
They make sure to do everything in their power to bend others to their decision and choice.
Refusal to Acknowledge and Accept their Mistake – How to Deal with Controlling People
Another sign of controlling people is the inability or refusal to acknowledge and accept their mistakes.
Instead of affecting their fault, they will rather blame someone else for it.
Even in cases where their mistake is glaring, they never accept it.
They see themselves to be right at all times.
In rare cases when they do acknowledge their mistake, they will become petty and accuse you of causing them to make that mistake.
Check here to discover how to admit when you are wrong.
They Make Others Feel Like Everything is Their Fault
Apart from their refusal to acknowledge and accept their mistake, controlling people tend to make others feel like they are at fault for everything.
They blame others for the littlest things that they had no idea of.
People who stay around them for a while tend to start feeling responsible for everything, even things beyond them.
Let us quickly paint a scenario for you to understand better.
Assuming you have a controlling partner who blames you for everything, from them losing their jobs, to the weather, to the computer crashing, you might start feeling responsible.
You might know you are not at fault, but because you have been constantly accused of different things, you will feel at fault.
As a result, when something happens, you will start blaming yourself before your partner says anything.
When a person makes you feel at fault for everything, that person is controlling.
They brainwash others to take the blame for everything.
This is because they know that this way it will be easier for them to bend people to their commands.
They Gaslight People – How to Deal with Controlling People
To gaslight, mean to make someone question their reality.
It is when a person makes you second-guess yourself about issues.
Controlling people make use of gaslight to break others.
They know that when a person is second-guessing themselves, they will be able to impose their perspectives on them.
A controlling person could tell you something, and then later deny ever saying it.
Even when you have evidence to back up what they told you, they will deny it.
This will make you start thinking if you heard right.
They are Unpredictable
Humans are unpredictable.
However, controlling people are more unpredictable than other people.
This is a result of their flaunting moods and behaviors.
Their mood can dramatically change at any time.
One moment they can be sweet and nice, showering you with praises and gifts, and then the next moments, they become the opposite.
As a result, you will be cautious every time that you are around them because you do not know when they will change.
They Intimidate Others – How to Deal with Controlling People
Controlling people likes to intimidate others.
They know people will do what they say if they are scared of them.
So, they intimidate others by shouting at them and talking down to them in the presence of other people.
They could even threaten people in a joking manner.
For instance, a controlling manager can say this to an employee ‘If I do not get that document by morning, you should start searching for another job, oh! I am kidding!’
If that manager makes this type of threat every time, the employee will be scared of losing their job and do everything to please the manager.
Why You Need To Know How to Deal With Controlling People
Why do you need to know how to deal with controlling people?
The answer to this question is quite simple:
To Reduce Stress and Anxiety
Controlling people can make other people feel stressed and anxious.
This is especially true when you have associated with them for a long time.
You will be cautious at all times to avoid provoking them.
This is what usually causes anxiety and stress.
However, when you know how to deal with these people, it will help you reduce stress and anxiety.
You would not have to live in fear of that controlling person in your life.
To Be In Control of Your Life – How to Deal with Controlling People
When you know how to deal with controlling people, you will be able to speak up for your right.
You will not be scared to let them know your mind.
This way, you will not let them control your life.
You will make decisions and be in control of your life.
Generally, you will enjoy life better since you are not living your life based on anybody’s wishes or decisions.
Tips on How to Deal With Controlling People
As we earlier said, you might not be able to cut some controlling people out of your life.
So, the next best option will be to learn how to deal with them.
Hence, we will share with you tips that will ensure this.
1. Try Not To React to Their Behavior
Controlling individuals often seek to get a reaction from people.
They know that if they can get into people’s skin, they will be able to control them.
So, they intimidate, and critics people to get them scared, upset, or frustrated.
If you react to them when they start acting up, you will give them what they want.
Therefore, you have to be careful.
When they start acting up to get your reaction, just stay calm.
This will be difficult, but you have to learn to stay calm to avoid giving them the satisfaction of getting to you.
You can practice being calm by taking deep breaths.
2. Do Not Argue With Them – How to Deal with Controlling People
Have you ever argued with a controlling individual before?
If you have, you might have noticed that such a person might have been excited during the argument.
Controlling people loves power struggles.
These people feel like they need to prove their dominance and superiority over other people.
They enjoy arguments that have no point.
So, they trick people into them.
They know how to turn those arguments in their favor and make others feel like a fool.
Therefore, you have to be cautious and avoid arguments with them.
When they raise a pointless argument, just tell them that you will talk about it later.
They are likely to forget this argument after a while.
So, avoid raising that argument topic again.
3. Avoid Breaking Down
As we earlier said, controlling people enjoy getting reactions out of people.
Breaking down in tears in front of the controlling person is the best reaction a controlling person could ever ask for.
This is because, it portrays you to them as a weak person, and weak people are easy to control.
You should not make them see you as a weak person.
No matter how hard they push your buttons, you should avoid breaking down in front of them
To do this, you need to work on your emotional limits.
Train yourself to face controlling people without them seeing you crumble.
It is understandable that sometimes you might just need to cry after interacting with a controlling person.
Find a safe space to do this; a place where you can cry in the presence of people that genuinely care about you.
4. Know Your Rights – How to Deal with Controlling People
Controlling people usually have a field day with people who do not know their rights.
This is because people who do not know their rights are easy to control.
For instance, a company could provide its employee the right to opt out of working on weekends and also pay extra money to those who work on weekends.
An employee who does not know this can be used by a controlling boss.
Such an employee might end up working every weekend without getting paid for it.
So, to avoid getting trampled on by controlling people, you need to know your rights.
This includes both your basic human rights and the rights you have in any organization or relationships you are in.
Also, you have to remember them at all times.
You are meant to be treated respectfully and decently.
Do not let anyone treat you otherwise.
5. Remind Yourself That You are in Charge
You are responsible for your life.
No one has the right to dictate what and how you live your life.
If a controlling person in your life has seized control of your life, then get it back!
Do this by reminding yourself that you are in charge.
Do not sit back
6. Let Them Know What You Cannot Take – How to Deal With Controlling People
Controlling individuals enjoys pushing people till they reach their limits.
They enjoy knowing that they have broken a person’s barriers.
Do not let them get satisfaction from you.
Let them know what you cannot and can accept and tolerate.
For instance, you might be able to tolerate minor issues such as the rule to keep dirty clothing in a specific place in the house.
However, you might not be able to tolerate being isolated from your friends.
Whenever a controlling person brings up something you cannot take, let them know and stand by it.
7. Be Assertive
Controlling people finds it difficult to respect people’s boundaries and privacy.
However, you can act and ensure that they stick to your boundaries when you are assertive.
Being assertive means being confident and calmly speaking your mind without getting frightened or violent.
When you are assertive, that controlling person in your life will see that you are not a pushover.
So, assertively state your rights and boundaries
For example, you could have a controlling romantic partner who likes snooping through your things every time you are not around.
When they do this, they do not respect your privacy.
So, if you do not appreciate it, you should boldly and calmly tell them to stop invading your privacy.
When you keep asserting yourself, they will respect you better.
8. Be Realistic With Your Expectations – How to Deal With Controlling People
You have to ensure that you stay realistic with your expectations.
Controlling people finds it difficult to change, that is if they change at all.
So, you should not put your hopes up.
Do not feel like you can change them.
Also, do not think that they will immediately respect your boundaries when you assert yourself.
You might probably experience regular power struggles after you assert yourself.
So, stay realistic with your expectations.
You most likely will keep having issues with them.
Understand that you might have to continually state and assert your boundaries with them.
In other words, do not expect or hope for a great change in them.
9. Practice Self-care
When you regularly interact or associate with controlling individuals, you might neglect caring for yourself.
It is especially true if you are constantly catering to their needs.
You ought to know that you are important.
So, you have to love yourself.
Do not let another person rob you of that.
Make time to indulge in self-care.
Engage in your hobbies, eat right and healthy, exercise, and do those things that bring happiness to you.
10. Understand That It is not Personal – How to Deal with Controlling People
Oftentimes controlling people are the way they are because of something more than what goes on, on the surface.
For example, some people become controlling because of their insecurity, or experience.
So, when a controlling individual confronts you, do well to understand that they are not being that way because of you.
Remind yourself that you are not to blame for their actions and it is not about you.
This way, you will avoid feeling guilty and responsible for things you did not cause.
11. Limit Interaction
Staying away from controlling people can sometimes be the easiest and best way of dealing with them.
So, you can consider limiting your interactions with those controlling people in your life, instead of getting frustrated and upset because of them.
For instance, if your business partner controls you every chance they get, you can work to reduce the times you associate with them.
When you are not attending to business together, it will be best to stay away from them.
This way, you will make things easier for yourself.
12. Walk Away If It Gets Out Of Hand – How to Deal With Controlling People
Some controlling people can become toxic and abusive.
When they make use of a physical or verbal form of abuse, it will be best to simply walk away from that relationship.
At this point, things have gotten out of hand.
So, you should not keep staying in that relationship.
Let go of that person and move on with your life.
Your peace is worth more than that relationship.
Conclusion on How to Deal With Controlling People
It is never an easy feat to deal with controlling people.
This is especially true when you have let a controlling person take complete control of your life or an aspect of your life.
However, you can still do it!
All you need to do is stay assertive, and keep restating your boundaries.
Remember that you have rights, and they are meant to be respected.
More information and tips were shared in this article.
So, we advise that you follow them and be in control of every aspect of your life.